Wednesday, August 23
Confession
Joe knelt in the confessional and said, "Bless me, Father, for I have sinned."
"What is it, child?"
"Father, I have committed the sin of vanity. Twice a day I gaze at myself in the mirror and tell myself how beautiful I am."
The priest turned, took a good look at him, and said, "Joe, I have good news. That isn't a sin - it's only a mistake."
Perfect example
A man was asked to spare some change for a bite to eat by a particularly shabby-looking homeless man. The man takes out his wallet to pull out a couple of dollars, then asks: "If I gave you this money, will you buy some Budweiser with it instead?"
The homeless man shakes his head no: he had had to give up drinking years ago.
"Will you use it to gamble instead of buying food?"
"No," says the homeless man emphatically. "How can I gamble? I need everything I can get just to stay alive."
"Will you spend the money on green fees at a golf course instead of food?"
The homeless man stares at him in sheer disbelief: "Are you nuts? I have not played golf in twenty years!"
"Well," says the would-be donor, "I am not going to give you the two dollars. Instead, I am going to take you home for a terrific dinner cooked by my wife."
And now the homeless man is even more confused: "Won't your wife be furious with you? I mean, look at me."
"Hey, man, it's all good! I just want her to see what a man looks like who has given up Budweiser, gambling, and golf."
3:08 PM ;
